Experts are urging parents to speak with their children about sexual strangulation, following the recent death of a 16-year-old girl from Sydney. The ABC understands the girl lost consciousness and had a seizure after allegedly being strangled during consensual sexual intercourse, in an incident linked to suspected sexual choking.
A 2024 survey of 4,702 Australians aged 18 to 35 found that 57 per cent had been strangled during sex. Vanessa Hamilton, a sexual health educator and author, said there was an “urgent” need for parents to provide accurate information about bodies and respectful relationships. She said discussing sex does not give children permission to become sexually active, and that greater knowledge can reduce the likelihood of young people engaging in risky behaviour.
Jackie McMillan, a senior project officer at Women’s Health NSW, said sexual strangulation involves pressure on the neck that restricts air or blood flow. She described it as a high-risk activity with no safe way to engage in it, warning that possible consequences include serious injury, brain injury and death. There may also be legal consequences, even where participants believe the activity is consensual.
The experts said language can affect whether young people engage with the subject. Although “choking” is more familiar, medical and safety specialists prefer “strangulation” because it more accurately conveys the danger. Ms McMillan said beginning with language associated with violence could discourage some young people from listening, while Chanel Contos, founder of Teach Us Consent, said the familiar term could open a conversation before the risks were explained.
Ms Contos said young people need practical information about physical risks, how to set boundaries and how to refuse without shame. She said many reported being strangled without any prior discussion or agreement, and that apparent consent may not be informed when people do not understand the danger. She also said children should be told that declining strangulation is not prudish or boring.
The educators recommended starting body-safety lessons early. Parents can teach younger children that nobody should touch or restrict another person’s neck, while using correct names for body parts and discussing consent in everyday moments. As children grow older, parents can address pornography, social media and other influences: the survey found pornography was the most common reported source of exposure, cited by 61 per cent of respondents. Hamilton said parents should help children recognise that scripted pornography is not a reliable model for a safe or pleasurable sexual relationship.