A 49-year-old NSW man has described how becoming a sperm donor helped him process the grief of not having a biological child with his wife. Brett, a pseudonym, said he had long imagined becoming a father but that fertility difficulties ultimately ended the couple’s hopes of conceiving naturally.
The couple tried for many years before a fertility specialist told them that natural conception was unlikely. They decided not to pursue IVF, while Brett’s wife later experienced early menopause. Brett said it was painful to accept that they would not have “a little one of us” to raise, although he and his wife remained supportive of each other.
Brett had considered donating sperm for years but did not raise it because he feared upsetting his wife. After a cousin became pregnant using a donor egg, his wife suggested that he consider donation. He said he was relieved to learn she was open to the idea and acknowledged that he had already been thinking about it.
The donation program involved forms, blood tests, genetic screening and a detailed questionnaire covering family information, education, work, interests, cultural background and physical characteristics. Brett also provided childhood photographs. He and his wife separately spoke with a counsellor, who helped them consider the significance of donation and possible future contact with donor-conceived children.
Brett said donors have no legal obligation or attachment to children conceived with their sperm. He understood that donor-conceived people may access identifying information about a donor between the ages of 16 and 18, depending on state legislation, and said he would welcome contact while recognising that it might never occur.
At his last check, Brett said five children had been born using his sperm. He said the experience had given him renewed energy and a sense of fulfilment, while also requiring him to accept that he might never know what the children looked like or whether they would contact him.